It seems when bad things happen in my life its not just one little thing, its a lot all at once.
Well, the important people in my life know I've been completely drug free since March 15th. When I say drug free I don't mean I quit doing something as little as smoking pot. I mean I was addicted to prescription pain killers (known as barbiturates), cocaine, opium, Vicodin, Oxycodone, Oxycotton, marijuania, alcohol, and ecstasy. Yeah, I quit all those things in one day and even thought about checking myself into re-hab.
So, yeah... After that major turning point in my life I've been good.
Well, Mom has cancer, which was the first rather large bump in my good streak.
Second is that last Sunday my aunt Caroline had her third heart attack (she has an irregular heartbeat and asthma) and has to be air lifted to a hospital in Houston. They put nitroglicerion under her tongue (I'm not sure what its supposed to do, but Mom acted like it was a big thing) and that didn't help her. She's stable now though, I'm not sure if that's a good thing. It means she's not getting worse, but she's not getting better either. And she was a big part in my mom's life.
My uncle (Dad's older brother Daryel) mother-in-law died last Friday. Natural causes according to the doctors, she was seventy-something years old. An amazingly nice and wonderfully kind woman who will be a big loss to the world. Though she also reminded me of why I hate Catholic viewings and funerals. Fuck the Rosary Prayer and Mass. But I went to show my respect for my uncle in place of my parents and for the first time in my life it wasn't a funeral of someone on my mom's side of the family and highly uncomfortable to me, because it wasn't at the same funeral home my mom's family has been using for the last fifty years or so. And I knew no one aside from my uncle, his wife, and their daughter. Well, among the living there anyway.
And last is my twelve-year-old sister Aimee. She's been sick for a while and missed the last three weeks of school because of it. She's been coughing so hard she can't breathe and has been throwing up because of her coughing fits. She's also been as sick as a dog and has trouble even keeping soup and crackers down. Well, she'd gone to the doc and gotten meds a couple weeks ago, she's now out of meds and still sick. The docs have no idea what's wrong with her. (Why can't House exist outside of my TV?) They did CAT scans, an MRI, took blood, hair, and urine samples, and even stuck some long needle up her nose. Why? I don't know, but they did.
Mom's also gotten worse and she's back in the hospital, the same one my aunt Caroline is in, in fact. Its apparently the best one in Texas or something. No one's telling me what's going on with her, but my dad's taken off work and is staying with his cousin so, he can be with Mom at all times. My Grandmama (Dad's mom) is in Denver, so Chelsea and Aimee are staying with me. Chelsea's being her normal bitchy and egotistical self and Aimee can't even get out of bed without her feet feeling like she's stepping on knives. My mom's mom (Grandma) is flying into town tomorrow morning, her company is so nice she gets to use their private jet.
So yeah, Mella sorry you can't come down, but life is really insane right now. Steph also sorry I had to cancel on our trip to Maimi, but you understand. And to all the nice people wanting an up-date on COATDSOH (Wow, really crappy acronym) you'll have to wait, I'm not sure when the next time I can get some good muse going to get on with Mareo, Akeno, and Ari's psycho-stockholm syndrome-sadistic-masochistic thing that is their triangle of a relationship.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Pancreatic Cancer
So, something I've been keeping a secret from everyone - and I mean everyone - who's not related to me.
Don't worry I don't have cancer.
But Mom does.
Yeah, so that's why I've been so AWOL and ditching friends and all over the place lately. I've been carting Mom to and from St. David's for chemo treatments. I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone, but my friends know how much I can't stand pity, empathy, or sympathy. And besides its not something that I really wanted to get spread around, besides its not really something you can just randomly bring up in conversation. "Yeah, my mom's dying of cancer, wanna go to Vicci's this weekend or the ranch?" See, not really a good way to say it.
Well, the doctors have decided that chemo's not helping Mom and they released her from the hospital this morning and set her up with a hospice. Which is like someone they send you when everyone knows that you're "terminally ill", which is a nice way to saying dying.
Yeah, my mom's dying and even the doctors don't have the balls to come out and say it.
The lady they gave Mom is named Heather and she's really nice. She said she'd go to the store and do errands and stuff for Mom, anything she needed and that Mom could call her 24/7. She's a RN (registered nurse) so she gives Mom her meds and takes her temperature and all this other trash. She also hasn't said a word about Mom smoking pot or cigarettes. Which I know that she knows Mom does. She's a really nice lady, like I said, and she and Mom get along just fine.
Its so weird though. I went up and met her today. Dad had to work so, I had to pick Mom up from St. David's. She's so happy and nice and its kinda creepy. I mean this lady works with people who are dying, how can she smile? She knows how to play Texas Hold 'Em though, as well as Gin Rummy so, she keeps Mom entertained. She also has a couple of kids that are my younger sisters' ages.
I have no real idea what else to say.
Yeah, so sorry to everyone about being all back and forth and ditching ya'll and just not answering IMs some days, but now ya'll know why.
And if I get ANY kind of pity from this post I swear I'll come to your house and gouge out your eyes before making you swallow them. And that's the nicest most non-grotesque one I could think of typing.
And that's it for now.
Don't worry I don't have cancer.
But Mom does.
Yeah, so that's why I've been so AWOL and ditching friends and all over the place lately. I've been carting Mom to and from St. David's for chemo treatments. I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone, but my friends know how much I can't stand pity, empathy, or sympathy. And besides its not something that I really wanted to get spread around, besides its not really something you can just randomly bring up in conversation. "Yeah, my mom's dying of cancer, wanna go to Vicci's this weekend or the ranch?" See, not really a good way to say it.
Well, the doctors have decided that chemo's not helping Mom and they released her from the hospital this morning and set her up with a hospice. Which is like someone they send you when everyone knows that you're "terminally ill", which is a nice way to saying dying.
Yeah, my mom's dying and even the doctors don't have the balls to come out and say it.
The lady they gave Mom is named Heather and she's really nice. She said she'd go to the store and do errands and stuff for Mom, anything she needed and that Mom could call her 24/7. She's a RN (registered nurse) so she gives Mom her meds and takes her temperature and all this other trash. She also hasn't said a word about Mom smoking pot or cigarettes. Which I know that she knows Mom does. She's a really nice lady, like I said, and she and Mom get along just fine.
Its so weird though. I went up and met her today. Dad had to work so, I had to pick Mom up from St. David's. She's so happy and nice and its kinda creepy. I mean this lady works with people who are dying, how can she smile? She knows how to play Texas Hold 'Em though, as well as Gin Rummy so, she keeps Mom entertained. She also has a couple of kids that are my younger sisters' ages.
I have no real idea what else to say.
Yeah, so sorry to everyone about being all back and forth and ditching ya'll and just not answering IMs some days, but now ya'll know why.
And if I get ANY kind of pity from this post I swear I'll come to your house and gouge out your eyes before making you swallow them. And that's the nicest most non-grotesque one I could think of typing.
And that's it for now.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Fuck Assholes Who Pretend To Be Romantic Martyrs
Alright, this is pretty much just cut and paste. I'm not adding words or taking them away. I just want other people to be warned on how much of a two-faced jack ass this guy is.
The blog post we're talking about that I wrote can be found here: http://medusa-perfection.blogspot.com/2009/05/abcs.html
Tim (5/12/2009 8:14:48 PM): Just read your reply to my blog post.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:15:01 PM): Ah.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:15:45 PM): Gah and now need to read YOUR ABC's post lol, anyways.. I guess I haven't told you the latest in my parent's drama?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:15:53 PM): Uh-uh.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:01 PM): Ah, you can leave that alone.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:08 PM): I just needed to work some things out in my head.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:16:29 PM): I can leave what alone? What things do you have to work out?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:38 PM): Just some mental drama.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:40 PM): That's all.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:44 PM): You don't need to read it.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:46 PM): Its not important.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:52 PM): I should just delete it.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:16:54 PM): You know I'm going to then lol
Tim (5/12/2009 8:17:03 PM): Even if you delete it now, I'd have to refresh to change it. =P
Tim (5/12/2009 8:17:29 PM): Though now I'm worried why you'd be so scared of a blog post about ABC's.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:17:46 PM): Saa.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:17:49 PM): Its not nice.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:17:53 PM): I'm warning you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:18:07 PM): And don't you dare offer pity in the guise of sympathy after you read it.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:18:17 PM): I promise to hurt you if you do.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:19:57 PM): *Smirks* But I offer myself willingly to your pain when you wish to inflict it.. So wouldn't that be like, me getting my way twice? lol
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:20:13 PM): It will bring on a migraine.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:20:22 PM): Or I could track your light down.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:20:37 PM): Jewel, Jade, whatever her name was.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:20:44 PM): Wait a sec, the pain you inflict will make ME have a migrane? Or will cause YOU to have one? o.0
Tim (5/12/2009 8:20:52 PM): It was Chloe.. Jade is just a friend.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:20:54 PM): You, not me.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:20:59 PM): And Jade's real name turned out to be Emily anyways.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:21:09 PM): Pssh, I'm way too deep into a romantic mood for headaches to bother me. -.-
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:21:24 PM): Remember, not pity, no sympathy, no empathy.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:21:46 PM): Ash..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:21:52 PM): Stop.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:21:53 PM): Why do you reject someone actually caring for you?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:21:56 PM): Stop right there.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:07 PM): I do not want to deal with you being so blah right now.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:23 PM): I'm not rejecting you caring for me.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:36 PM): I can't STAND pity or sympathy or whatever you'd like to call it.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:40 PM): You KNOW it irks me.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:48 PM): That was something I did and forgot to delete that's all.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:22:50 PM): You look at it all wrong though. -.-'
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:55 PM): I always do.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:57 PM): Don't I?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:23:26 PM): *Copies Blog Post.. Paste's in WordPad*
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:23:33 PM): *glares*
Tim (5/12/2009 8:24:05 PM): *Saves... Name's "Ash's ABCs*
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:12 PM): Hate you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:15 PM): So
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:16 PM): bloody
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:17 PM): much!
Tim (5/12/2009 8:24:30 PM): *Smiles* Well, I love you.. We are opposites, remember?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:47 PM): Honestly, if I could reach you I'd smack you right now.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:25:07 PM): And I'd just hug you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:25:22 PM): Which would only anger me more.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:25:29 PM): I can't stand people who can't fight back.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:25:33 PM): You know that as well.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:25:39 PM): Lol, oh I can fight back.. But not against you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:25:42 PM): Its weak to allow yourself to be abused.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:26:16 PM): Well I do love you.. That's basically attaching my heart with strings and handing you them.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:26:27 PM): Its still weak and foolish.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:26:29 PM): To you I'm as weak and pathetic as one could possibly be.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:26:58 PM): But I like pleasing you in any way, shape, or form.. If withstanding your abuse and anger please's you, even in the tiniest bit, I'd be willing to go through with it.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:27:27 PM): But it wouldn't.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:27:34 PM): When I'm angry I want someone to fight with.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:27:40 PM): When you just take it that angers me more.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:27:49 PM): So, if you'd want to make me happy, you would fight back.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:28:02 PM): Good, you can take out your anger on me and release some frustration.. that'd pleaes you a bit.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:28:13 PM): Just shut up.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:28:23 PM): You know I can't stand your martyr attitude.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:28:42 PM): *Smirks* Well I apologize.. What would you like me to act like?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:28:54 PM): Anyone, but yourself.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:29:01 PM): Or just leave me be.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:29:24 PM): Well the second option is outa the question.. So.. *thinks of who I could be*
Tim (5/12/2009 8:29:44 PM): I could be.. .. spider-man?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:29:45 PM): lol
Tim (5/12/2009 8:30:46 PM): Now you're all silent..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:30:55 PM): What do you want me to say?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:30:59 PM): You ruined my mood.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:31:00 PM): I make a joke at a serious time, which is unlike me, and you're still unhappy?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:05 PM): You reminded me of that post.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:31:12 PM): spider-man? o.0
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:13 PM): It is not something I wanted to be reminded of.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:33 PM): You insisted upon reading it and even going so far as to copy it and paste it into another program.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:38 PM): Even though I didn't want you to.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:50 PM): Congratulations, you've upset me.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:31:53 PM): Lol, so I did something you didn't like.. Isn't that different than the normal me?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:01 PM): Isn't that what you wanted?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:32:09 PM): Not at the time in which you did it.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:20 PM): I didn't show sympathy, empathy, pity..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:32:20 PM): Leave me be.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:25 PM): I didn't attempt to comfort..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:32:30 PM): I have better things to do than listen to a hypocrite.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:32 PM): And yet I still screw up.. o.0
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:41 PM): NOW I'm a hypocrite? XD
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:49 PM): Well being anyone else but me is being just that, duh. =P
Tim (5/12/2009 8:33:19 PM): You didn't want me to be my romantic self, so I wasn't.. That's not good enough and you want me to leave you alone..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:33:26 PM): Yes.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:33:29 PM): I want you to leave me alone.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:33:33 PM): So, why don't you?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:33:46 PM): If I want to speak with you, I'll message you.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:34:16 PM): Lol. just my luck.. I lose either way..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:34:23 PM): Fate told me "1 or 2" and the answer turned out to be 3.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:35:09 PM): Hmm.. Odd.. Anyways, alright then.. Sorry I cared.. Maybe if I acted more like everyone else you've been around, you'd be happier?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:35:47 PM): I could be like David and call you a cum-guzzling slut.. I could be like JEan-Marc and most other guys you've been around and try to grope you..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:36:01 PM): I could be like your dad and wrongfully beat you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:10 PM): Fuck you Timothy Jude.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:14 PM): Leave me alone.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:36:23 PM): You don't want me to be me, so who do you want me to act like?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:36:34 PM): You obviously don't like someone actually caring about you for you..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:39 PM): Just leave me alone.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:41 PM): Alright?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:46 PM): How hard is that to fucking understand?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:50 PM): I don't want to talk to you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:55 PM): So, just stop talking to me.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:37:08 PM): If I want to talk to you, I'd message you.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:37:08 PM): Cause being myself is something you don't want to do.. And being myself would understand your wish and do it in hopes it'd please you..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:37:33 PM): You also said you wanted a fight, No?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:38:12 PM): Lol.. You always say you want a fight.. This is the second time I've given you one, and you've run away both times..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:38:36 PM): If I can't be nice, and I can't be mean, I'll be nothing at all..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:39:17 PM): If I can't be nice, and I can't be mean, I'll be nothing at all..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:40:22 PM): When you know what you want.. When you know what you want me to act like.. Come talk to me.. I'm honestly tired of this wishy/washy you.. *Bows softly and poofs*
And after all this he actually has the balls to post this in HIS blog: http://orothe.blogspot.com/2009/05/ashy-hell-and-fate.html
So, tell me. If someone really loves you, do they say things like that? Even after you ask them repeatedly to leave them alone? And can anyone count how many times I asked him to leave me alone?
The blog post we're talking about that I wrote can be found here: http://medusa-perfection.blogspot.com/2009/05/abcs.html
Tim (5/12/2009 8:14:48 PM): Just read your reply to my blog post.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:15:01 PM): Ah.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:15:45 PM): Gah and now need to read YOUR ABC's post lol, anyways.. I guess I haven't told you the latest in my parent's drama?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:15:53 PM): Uh-uh.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:01 PM): Ah, you can leave that alone.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:08 PM): I just needed to work some things out in my head.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:16:29 PM): I can leave what alone? What things do you have to work out?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:38 PM): Just some mental drama.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:40 PM): That's all.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:44 PM): You don't need to read it.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:46 PM): Its not important.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:16:52 PM): I should just delete it.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:16:54 PM): You know I'm going to then lol
Tim (5/12/2009 8:17:03 PM): Even if you delete it now, I'd have to refresh to change it. =P
Tim (5/12/2009 8:17:29 PM): Though now I'm worried why you'd be so scared of a blog post about ABC's.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:17:46 PM): Saa.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:17:49 PM): Its not nice.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:17:53 PM): I'm warning you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:18:07 PM): And don't you dare offer pity in the guise of sympathy after you read it.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:18:17 PM): I promise to hurt you if you do.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:19:57 PM): *Smirks* But I offer myself willingly to your pain when you wish to inflict it.. So wouldn't that be like, me getting my way twice? lol
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:20:13 PM): It will bring on a migraine.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:20:22 PM): Or I could track your light down.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:20:37 PM): Jewel, Jade, whatever her name was.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:20:44 PM): Wait a sec, the pain you inflict will make ME have a migrane? Or will cause YOU to have one? o.0
Tim (5/12/2009 8:20:52 PM): It was Chloe.. Jade is just a friend.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:20:54 PM): You, not me.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:20:59 PM): And Jade's real name turned out to be Emily anyways.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:21:09 PM): Pssh, I'm way too deep into a romantic mood for headaches to bother me. -.-
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:21:24 PM): Remember, not pity, no sympathy, no empathy.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:21:46 PM): Ash..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:21:52 PM): Stop.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:21:53 PM): Why do you reject someone actually caring for you?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:21:56 PM): Stop right there.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:07 PM): I do not want to deal with you being so blah right now.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:23 PM): I'm not rejecting you caring for me.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:36 PM): I can't STAND pity or sympathy or whatever you'd like to call it.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:40 PM): You KNOW it irks me.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:48 PM): That was something I did and forgot to delete that's all.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:22:50 PM): You look at it all wrong though. -.-'
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:55 PM): I always do.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:22:57 PM): Don't I?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:23:26 PM): *Copies Blog Post.. Paste's in WordPad*
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:23:33 PM): *glares*
Tim (5/12/2009 8:24:05 PM): *Saves... Name's "Ash's ABCs*
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:12 PM): Hate you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:15 PM): So
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:16 PM): bloody
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:17 PM): much!
Tim (5/12/2009 8:24:30 PM): *Smiles* Well, I love you.. We are opposites, remember?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:24:47 PM): Honestly, if I could reach you I'd smack you right now.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:25:07 PM): And I'd just hug you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:25:22 PM): Which would only anger me more.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:25:29 PM): I can't stand people who can't fight back.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:25:33 PM): You know that as well.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:25:39 PM): Lol, oh I can fight back.. But not against you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:25:42 PM): Its weak to allow yourself to be abused.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:26:16 PM): Well I do love you.. That's basically attaching my heart with strings and handing you them.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:26:27 PM): Its still weak and foolish.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:26:29 PM): To you I'm as weak and pathetic as one could possibly be.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:26:58 PM): But I like pleasing you in any way, shape, or form.. If withstanding your abuse and anger please's you, even in the tiniest bit, I'd be willing to go through with it.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:27:27 PM): But it wouldn't.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:27:34 PM): When I'm angry I want someone to fight with.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:27:40 PM): When you just take it that angers me more.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:27:49 PM): So, if you'd want to make me happy, you would fight back.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:28:02 PM): Good, you can take out your anger on me and release some frustration.. that'd pleaes you a bit.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:28:13 PM): Just shut up.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:28:23 PM): You know I can't stand your martyr attitude.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:28:42 PM): *Smirks* Well I apologize.. What would you like me to act like?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:28:54 PM): Anyone, but yourself.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:29:01 PM): Or just leave me be.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:29:24 PM): Well the second option is outa the question.. So.. *thinks of who I could be*
Tim (5/12/2009 8:29:44 PM): I could be.. .. spider-man?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:29:45 PM): lol
Tim (5/12/2009 8:30:46 PM): Now you're all silent..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:30:55 PM): What do you want me to say?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:30:59 PM): You ruined my mood.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:31:00 PM): I make a joke at a serious time, which is unlike me, and you're still unhappy?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:05 PM): You reminded me of that post.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:31:12 PM): spider-man? o.0
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:13 PM): It is not something I wanted to be reminded of.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:33 PM): You insisted upon reading it and even going so far as to copy it and paste it into another program.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:38 PM): Even though I didn't want you to.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:31:50 PM): Congratulations, you've upset me.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:31:53 PM): Lol, so I did something you didn't like.. Isn't that different than the normal me?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:01 PM): Isn't that what you wanted?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:32:09 PM): Not at the time in which you did it.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:20 PM): I didn't show sympathy, empathy, pity..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:32:20 PM): Leave me be.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:25 PM): I didn't attempt to comfort..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:32:30 PM): I have better things to do than listen to a hypocrite.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:32 PM): And yet I still screw up.. o.0
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:41 PM): NOW I'm a hypocrite? XD
Tim (5/12/2009 8:32:49 PM): Well being anyone else but me is being just that, duh. =P
Tim (5/12/2009 8:33:19 PM): You didn't want me to be my romantic self, so I wasn't.. That's not good enough and you want me to leave you alone..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:33:26 PM): Yes.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:33:29 PM): I want you to leave me alone.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:33:33 PM): So, why don't you?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:33:46 PM): If I want to speak with you, I'll message you.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:34:16 PM): Lol. just my luck.. I lose either way..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:34:23 PM): Fate told me "1 or 2" and the answer turned out to be 3.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:35:09 PM): Hmm.. Odd.. Anyways, alright then.. Sorry I cared.. Maybe if I acted more like everyone else you've been around, you'd be happier?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:35:47 PM): I could be like David and call you a cum-guzzling slut.. I could be like JEan-Marc and most other guys you've been around and try to grope you..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:36:01 PM): I could be like your dad and wrongfully beat you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:10 PM): Fuck you Timothy Jude.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:14 PM): Leave me alone.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:36:23 PM): You don't want me to be me, so who do you want me to act like?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:36:34 PM): You obviously don't like someone actually caring about you for you..
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:39 PM): Just leave me alone.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:41 PM): Alright?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:46 PM): How hard is that to fucking understand?
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:50 PM): I don't want to talk to you.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:36:55 PM): So, just stop talking to me.
Medusa (5/12/2009 8:37:08 PM): If I want to talk to you, I'd message you.
Tim (5/12/2009 8:37:08 PM): Cause being myself is something you don't want to do.. And being myself would understand your wish and do it in hopes it'd please you..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:37:33 PM): You also said you wanted a fight, No?
Tim (5/12/2009 8:38:12 PM): Lol.. You always say you want a fight.. This is the second time I've given you one, and you've run away both times..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:38:36 PM): If I can't be nice, and I can't be mean, I'll be nothing at all..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:39:17 PM): If I can't be nice, and I can't be mean, I'll be nothing at all..
Tim (5/12/2009 8:40:22 PM): When you know what you want.. When you know what you want me to act like.. Come talk to me.. I'm honestly tired of this wishy/washy you.. *Bows softly and poofs*
And after all this he actually has the balls to post this in HIS blog: http://orothe.blogspot.com/2009/05/ashy-hell-and-fate.html
So, tell me. If someone really loves you, do they say things like that? Even after you ask them repeatedly to leave them alone? And can anyone count how many times I asked him to leave me alone?
ABC's
Abandoned. Broken. Controlled.
A… B… C…
-
Children learn the alphabet in preschool. The teachers always put words to the letters. They are always happy, simple words to which the kids can relate. After all, they are meant to make them understand…
-
Distant. Envy. Fragile
D… E… F…
-
Somehow, the carefree pictures no longer appear when those letters are uttered. Sad, isn’t it?
-
Glare. Hate. Innocence.
G… H… I…
-
Different words link with these letters. Words describing what no child should be… what no child should experience…
-
Jeers. Knife. Lost.
J… K… L…
-
More words… More pictures… More hated memories…
-
Money. Nonchalant. Owned. Pain.
M… N… O… P…
-
A child’s learning tune. Yet, another twisted aspect of my life… if it can be called that.
-
Quiet. Resistance. Silence.
Q… R… S…
-
But it’s not truly mine anymore, is it? I lost it long ago… I wonder if I’ll ever claim it, again…
-
Trust. Unwanted. Vice.
T… U… V…
-
Foolish thoughts, all of them. What is the point? It only leads to increased longing…
-
Wishes. Xenophobia. Yearn.
W… X… Y…
-
Twenty-six letters… Twenty six words that paint a picture of who I am… what I’ve lived through… what I’ve done…
-
Zero.
Z…
-
It’s my life. From letters to words… words to pictures… pictures to memories… All twisted descriptions of my pointless existence. I’m a host of darkness… Fate has written my sorrowful existence in the blood of innocents… people who never needed to be involved.
Yet, it’s unavoidable. This is what children recite in remembrance of me… of my struggles… my deeds. I never wanted these to be the remnants that people scraped from the tablet of time. But this is how I will carry on… in this song children sing… for this is who I am:
Abused Beaten Child Slave.
ABCs…
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mom's Day
Well, it being Mother's Day and all I had to go see my parents, even though my mom's mom wasn't in town. I haven't seen my parents since Christmas, seriously. I don't get along with them and they make no effort to seek me out, we pretend the other doesn't exist, works fine for me.
Well, for the whole one or two of you reading this that don't know. My parents (read: dad) kicked me out of their house back last June.
Why?
Not because I was snorting cocaine, drinking until I puked, not coming home for weeks on end, or for smoking pot. In fact every drug I've ever done, I first did with my dad. Its kind of bad, all my good memories of him are when we were both high on some kind of drug.
So, he kicked me out under the excuse of smoking cigarettes. Yes, I was twenty, thus the legal age to buy them. My parents are both smokers, so its hypocritical. In fact he only have me 30 minutes to gather my things and get the fuck out of his house. Smoking cigarettes was an excuse. I was fighting with him - and I mean physical fights that ended up with dislocated shoulder-blades, bruises, cuts, and fractured ribs - over my younger sister.
Now, most of you know my sisters I love, but some times I do not like. However, I've made it quite clear that no one - and I mean no one - is allowed to touch my sisters, but me. Well, my loving father decided to pull my then fourteen-year-old sister out of public school.
Once again, why?
Because she skipped two classes. Now, I skipped the first semester of my freshman year in high school and I was allowed to attend all of my high school years. He locked her up, like she was Rapunzel or something, but Chelsea didn't even have her long hair to hope of escape.
So, as you can guess, my father and I do not get along with one another most times. Today, was no different than Christmas or Fourth of July or my own birthday. He got drunk, tried to get his mother drunk, ignored me and my sisters, and barely spoke to my mother.
I swear no one tweaking on coke should be that quiet or withdrawn.
Yes, my father's a cocaine addict. My mom's a pot head too. We are a wonderfully dysfunctional family. As a friend of mine once said: we put the fun back in dysfunctional.
So, the only upside to the trip was that I left my mom a gram of some good weed cause she's been smoking swag, which just embarrasses the Hell out of me.
Yeah, that's it, so laters ya'll!
Well, for the whole one or two of you reading this that don't know. My parents (read: dad) kicked me out of their house back last June.
Why?
Not because I was snorting cocaine, drinking until I puked, not coming home for weeks on end, or for smoking pot. In fact every drug I've ever done, I first did with my dad. Its kind of bad, all my good memories of him are when we were both high on some kind of drug.
So, he kicked me out under the excuse of smoking cigarettes. Yes, I was twenty, thus the legal age to buy them. My parents are both smokers, so its hypocritical. In fact he only have me 30 minutes to gather my things and get the fuck out of his house. Smoking cigarettes was an excuse. I was fighting with him - and I mean physical fights that ended up with dislocated shoulder-blades, bruises, cuts, and fractured ribs - over my younger sister.
Now, most of you know my sisters I love, but some times I do not like. However, I've made it quite clear that no one - and I mean no one - is allowed to touch my sisters, but me. Well, my loving father decided to pull my then fourteen-year-old sister out of public school.
Once again, why?
Because she skipped two classes. Now, I skipped the first semester of my freshman year in high school and I was allowed to attend all of my high school years. He locked her up, like she was Rapunzel or something, but Chelsea didn't even have her long hair to hope of escape.
So, as you can guess, my father and I do not get along with one another most times. Today, was no different than Christmas or Fourth of July or my own birthday. He got drunk, tried to get his mother drunk, ignored me and my sisters, and barely spoke to my mother.
I swear no one tweaking on coke should be that quiet or withdrawn.
Yes, my father's a cocaine addict. My mom's a pot head too. We are a wonderfully dysfunctional family. As a friend of mine once said: we put the fun back in dysfunctional.
So, the only upside to the trip was that I left my mom a gram of some good weed cause she's been smoking swag, which just embarrasses the Hell out of me.
Yeah, that's it, so laters ya'll!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Up-Date, Contact Info
Obviously, I don't keep up with keeping a blog. I don't find my day-to-day life important enough to blog about. If you're important to me then chances are I've already called or instant messaged you about whatever happened to me that day that I thought was important.
If you want to get to know me better I have three different instant messangers.
MSN: Gold_Eyes_And_Sakura@yahoo.com
YIM: Gold_Eyes_And_Sakura
AOL: rubyredancer
Remember there is only one 'd' in my AIM name.
If you want to get to know me better I have three different instant messangers.
MSN: Gold_Eyes_And_Sakura@yahoo.com
YIM: Gold_Eyes_And_Sakura
AOL: rubyredancer
Remember there is only one 'd' in my AIM name.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Medusa
Song: Medusa
Artist: Heather Dale
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2GqRu2k9mw
Reason: I identify with this song and love it to pieces.
Lyrics:
Mother would tell me I was a pretty girl
Then she would cry all night
Nobody thinks that really they're being cruel
When they suggest that I should try to look like them
As if God loved the pretty ones best
Damn 'em all - I create my own perfection
Damn 'em all in the face of their rejection
Damn 'em all - well this dog will have its day
My garden's full of pretty men who couldn't stay away
Notice the ones who all like to criticize
Are the ones trying to hide
Why would I sell my soul to be one of them
Better to love the me within behind the skin
I choose to be a goddess inside
Damn 'em all - I create my own perfection
Damn 'em all in the face of their rejection
Damn 'em all - well this dog will have its day
My garden's full of pretty men who couldn't stay away
Damn 'em all - I create my own perfection
Damn 'em all in the face of their rejection
Damn 'em all - well this dog will have its day
My garden's full of pretty men who couldn't stay away
Damn 'em all!
Artist: Heather Dale
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2GqRu2k9mw
Reason: I identify with this song and love it to pieces.
Lyrics:
Mother would tell me I was a pretty girl
Then she would cry all night
Nobody thinks that really they're being cruel
When they suggest that I should try to look like them
As if God loved the pretty ones best
Damn 'em all - I create my own perfection
Damn 'em all in the face of their rejection
Damn 'em all - well this dog will have its day
My garden's full of pretty men who couldn't stay away
Notice the ones who all like to criticize
Are the ones trying to hide
Why would I sell my soul to be one of them
Better to love the me within behind the skin
I choose to be a goddess inside
Damn 'em all - I create my own perfection
Damn 'em all in the face of their rejection
Damn 'em all - well this dog will have its day
My garden's full of pretty men who couldn't stay away
Damn 'em all - I create my own perfection
Damn 'em all in the face of their rejection
Damn 'em all - well this dog will have its day
My garden's full of pretty men who couldn't stay away
Damn 'em all!
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