Pancreatic Cancer

So, something I've been keeping a secret from everyone - and I mean everyone - who's not related to me.

Don't worry I don't have cancer.

But Mom does.

Yeah, so that's why I've been so AWOL and ditching friends and all over the place lately. I've been carting Mom to and from St. David's for chemo treatments. I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone, but my friends know how much I can't stand pity, empathy, or sympathy. And besides its not something that I really wanted to get spread around, besides its not really something you can just randomly bring up in conversation. "Yeah, my mom's dying of cancer, wanna go to Vicci's this weekend or the ranch?" See, not really a good way to say it.

Well, the doctors have decided that chemo's not helping Mom and they released her from the hospital this morning and set her up with a hospice. Which is like someone they send you when everyone knows that you're "terminally ill", which is a nice way to saying dying.

Yeah, my mom's dying and even the doctors don't have the balls to come out and say it.

The lady they gave Mom is named Heather and she's really nice. She said she'd go to the store and do errands and stuff for Mom, anything she needed and that Mom could call her 24/7. She's a RN (registered nurse) so she gives Mom her meds and takes her temperature and all this other trash. She also hasn't said a word about Mom smoking pot or cigarettes. Which I know that she knows Mom does. She's a really nice lady, like I said, and she and Mom get along just fine.

Its so weird though. I went up and met her today. Dad had to work so, I had to pick Mom up from St. David's. She's so happy and nice and its kinda creepy. I mean this lady works with people who are dying, how can she smile? She knows how to play Texas Hold 'Em though, as well as Gin Rummy so, she keeps Mom entertained. She also has a couple of kids that are my younger sisters' ages.

I have no real idea what else to say.

Yeah, so sorry to everyone about being all back and forth and ditching ya'll and just not answering IMs some days, but now ya'll know why.

And if I get ANY kind of pity from this post I swear I'll come to your house and gouge out your eyes before making you swallow them. And that's the nicest most non-grotesque one I could think of typing.

And that's it for now.